Well, I’m officially a graduate! After four long (and short) years, I’ve got my degree in computer science and psychology. In today’s post, I’ll be sharing my biggest takeaways from college and the past four months out of college (as an in-betweener working full-time without my official degree).

Care Less

One of the biggest things I’m taking away from my time in college: Don’t take things too personally.

I’ve always been someone who needs things to go to my plan (or, in other words, to go right). It’s no secret that life doesn’t often go to our plan, but I often found myself getting extremely worked up when things didn’t go my way. I found myself getting worked up when my new shoes got stained a week later, or my coffee didn’t taste quite right, or I got a few points off on my assignment, or I didn’t get an internship that I wanted (or any internship at all).

I took so many things personally. And I still take a lot of things personally, let’s be real. But now, even though my first thought is “Wow, this is great. I didn’t do it right, and now I can’t make it better. This must’ve happened because I did something wrong,” I put in the effort so my second thought is “You know what? It’s okay, and life happens. If I’m not going to remember or think about this a month or a year or ten years from now, I’m not going to let it get me too down. Even if I will think about it, I can’t do anything to change the past, but I can work on changing what happens in the future.” And that’s that.

There are going to be things that ARE serious, and those things deserve big emotions and taking things personally. Other things may feel frustrating or disappointing in the moment, but they don’t warrant you making yourself feel worse.

Changing the “X happened, I’m so stupid!” to “X happened, and it’s a good learning experience,” is also a huge game changer. It’s okay to look silly and not know what you’re doing. We HAVE to start somewhere, and not knowing what you’re doing but still doing a thing means way more than never starting something at all.

Another thing, and it’s not a new idea: No matter what you do, you’re going to have people that don’t like you. There are people I don’t like, and I probably don’t have great reasons, and I’m pretty positive that some people feel the same way about me. In the words of one of my friends, “Life is filled with ops. At some point, you just have to laugh.” And most of us don’t even have real ops, just fake ops. Oftentimes, it’s just not that serious. So do what you want (within reason of course, don’t go out hurting people intentionally 🙂)!

Another thing: While you shouldn’t take everything so personally, you still should own up when you make a mistake that impacts others. It’s okay to not know any better in the moment, but take responsibility and do it differently the next time. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s not okay to pretend your actions or words didn’t impact anyone. And acknowledging it goes a long way.

Care More

In college, I feel like I was able to be involved in so many different things. Although there was always a ton of homework, I still had the time to do almost everything I wanted to. The past four months, I realize that I haven’t made time for some of the things I genuinely care about. I haven’t picked up a history book, made a significant amount of time for different types of activism, or read a meaningful paper in the time I’ve been out of school. I haven’t had many “aha moments.”

This past week back at Swarthmore, I realized that while I’ve been true to a version of my self, I haven’t been true to my whole self. I have many different interests, some surface level and some deeper, and it’s hard to make time for everything. Since it’s impossible to make time for everything, I realize that I haven’t made time for anything.

Here’s my commitment to identifying my top three priorities that are just for myself. My top priority in life will always be my relationships (with myself, my partner, my friends, and my family). But now I understand that I also crave the “aha moments” of learning . I’m promising myself that I’ll make time for new and old interests, and take little steps to make a positive impact in my community and beyond.

Care Less? Care More? What’s the Big Idea?

So, to wrap this up, throughout college I’ve learned to care less and care more. I shouldn’t take everything so personally. It’s not always about me. At least, it’s not necessarily an inherently bad thing about me. Getting a “bad” grade (whatever that means to you) or a friend becoming distant or someone making rude comments or making a mistake at work—these things don’t make you worth less. A bad grade or a mistake at work could be an off day, or it could mean that your skills and knowledge aren’t quite there yet. These are opportunities for growth and learning. Others treating you poorly could be a reaction to something you said or did (which doesn’t make it okay), or it could just be a projection. Either way, it’s a learning experience for next time. Reflection on these interactions can either point out an area of growth for yourself, or give you the courage to speak up about it next time. Take these things personally enough to reflect, but not so personally that it becomes the only thing you think about.

I also need to take responsibility of my actions and inactions in order to continue growing as a person. I desire moments of connection with people, but also moments of connection through learning. I haven’t sought out any of these more educational moments in the way that I want to. Now that I’ve realized this, I will find my priorities and start small. It’s okay to start small. Just don’t let the weight of trying to do everything prevent you from doing anything.

That’s it for this week! Next week, I’ll be talking about how my gym and movement routine has changed over the past several years, and what I’m doing right now.

As always, say [email protected] with any thoughts, ideas, or (this is new) if you want to make a blog post on here! I’m looking for some fresh perspectives.

P.S. Go see Sinners if you haven’t yet. I saw it last week and it was SO GOOD.